So I'm with my best friend Stephanie
and her mom looking for a house she can rent.
How fun is this. =].
We saw this one property that's on 81 acres of
land and it has horses!
It was sooooooooooo nice!!!
Gosh.
Me & Steph are planning a study trip to
Spain. Either Madrid or Barcelona.
EXCITED. But we need like
3000 bucks. word. i know.
well anyway let me go.
CIAO!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Her Love Story [03]
someone tell me there's a cure for heatbrake.
i wont bear another day at this rate.
i force back tears but they fall anyway.
why is my only question and it goes unanswered.
a state of depression as i fall into regression
supression,
is my only sin. not letting the ones i love in.
the void torments me i begin to resent the images i see.
i was blind.
all the cautions and warnings to which i did not bear head!
and now i pay the price for my neglegence and indulgment.
whoa is me and my selfish soul.
oh love why are you so mischevous?
your secret rondevouz were not enough?
your passionate kiss against gentle lips in the moonlight not enchating enough?
why? i ask oh God why?
love is nothing more thank my curse and burden.
it is nothing more than my black plague.
a fool am i!
drunken and dicarded!
full of this sinful joy this foolish blind love.
i weep over you and the sorrow you cause.
i weep because i am in pain.
i weep because i am in grief.
i weep because i am a fool in love.
i wont bear another day at this rate.
i force back tears but they fall anyway.
why is my only question and it goes unanswered.
a state of depression as i fall into regression
supression,
is my only sin. not letting the ones i love in.
the void torments me i begin to resent the images i see.
i was blind.
all the cautions and warnings to which i did not bear head!
and now i pay the price for my neglegence and indulgment.
whoa is me and my selfish soul.
oh love why are you so mischevous?
your secret rondevouz were not enough?
your passionate kiss against gentle lips in the moonlight not enchating enough?
why? i ask oh God why?
love is nothing more thank my curse and burden.
it is nothing more than my black plague.
a fool am i!
drunken and dicarded!
full of this sinful joy this foolish blind love.
i weep over you and the sorrow you cause.
i weep because i am in pain.
i weep because i am in grief.
i weep because i am a fool in love.
Flyin' High [circa 2003]
this intoxicating sensation rushes to my mind and my body says hello to this lovely stanger.a delightful pain spreads thru my limbs.floating on air "flyin high in the friendly sky w/o leavin the ground"a magic carpet ride eases me into a wonderful deep slumber but my constant convulsions jerk me awake
the scent so deliecable and sweet finds itz way inside my nostirls leading me ever closer to Satans lair.i roam lonely corridors in seatch for more of this deadly poison. i go insane not knowing which way to turn. i claw at the walls trying to escape but the toxen smothers me. forcing me to inhale once more. yearning for that last drop of imprisonment. stuck on stupid i'm blinded by smoke not able to see the road infront of me. death and demons are just beyond this journey. i hold self-desctruction in my hand. as i consume this fatal monster the gatewayz to hell welcome me with open arms. corrupted by the world ignored by family i think my time here will be a plesant one. my naive thoughts forsake me. a river of tears flow out of my tormented body. my dreams and hopes sucked out of me. holding on to my sanity i find is an impossible mission and i slip away in to the depths of darkness. deciet. and death.
the scent so deliecable and sweet finds itz way inside my nostirls leading me ever closer to Satans lair.i roam lonely corridors in seatch for more of this deadly poison. i go insane not knowing which way to turn. i claw at the walls trying to escape but the toxen smothers me. forcing me to inhale once more. yearning for that last drop of imprisonment. stuck on stupid i'm blinded by smoke not able to see the road infront of me. death and demons are just beyond this journey. i hold self-desctruction in my hand. as i consume this fatal monster the gatewayz to hell welcome me with open arms. corrupted by the world ignored by family i think my time here will be a plesant one. my naive thoughts forsake me. a river of tears flow out of my tormented body. my dreams and hopes sucked out of me. holding on to my sanity i find is an impossible mission and i slip away in to the depths of darkness. deciet. and death.
Mi amante Latino. ['05]
Mi amente latino
My Latin lover taught me Spanish…
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight
My Latin lover taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight on Sundays while saying Hale Mary’s and giving thanks while increasing his heart rate I thought it was fate…
My Latin lover taught me Spanish in a sea of sheets
My Latin lover taught me Spanish in a sea of sheets while shock waves of passion exploded in my body
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight while caressing me making me feel like the princess I never was
Like I never could be
My Latin lover made me feel better then any man ever could
He made me feel better then any man would
His sensual Spanish spoken softly at midnight filled my ears and sent me to ecstasy
A place I found myself visiting constantly
Even when he wasn’t there physically
I still felt his body lying here next to me
He worked to a salsa beat unknown to others
He made love to merengue and soca
He loved me to salsa and I loved him to flamingo
My Latin lover taught me Spanish while in the act of infidelity
Ma Latin lover was no longer mine
But his wife’s
He no longer loved me on Sundays in a sea of sheets making me sweat to a salsa beat
His kisses no longer made me quiver with passion but made me quiver with sadness and guilt
My Latin lover taught me Spanish
My Latin lover taught me pain.
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español
Enseñaba mí Español en el luz de la luna a medianoche
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español en el luz de la luna a medianoche en Domingo mientras diciendo Sano María y dando gracias mientras creciente de él corazón tasa Yo pensamiento estuvo destino
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español en un mar de laminados
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español en un mar de laminados mientras choque olas de pasión explotar en mi cuerpo
Enseñaba mí Español en el luz de la luna a medianoche mientras acariciante mí haciendo mí tener ganas de el princesa Yo nunca estado
Como Yo nunca puedes estar
Mi Latín amante hecho mí palpar mejor después cualquier hombre siempre puedes
Él hacía mí palpar mejor después cualquier hombre haría
De él sensual Español hablado blandamente a medianoche llenado mi orejas y enviado esté éxtasis
Un local Yo fundar mi visitando constantemente
Pareja cuándo él wasn’t allí físicamente
Yo aún fieltro de él cuerpo mentiroso aquí al lado de mí
Él trabajado a un salsa compás desconocido a otros
Él hacía amor a merengue y soca
Él amado esté salsa y Yo amado le a flamenco
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español mientras en flagrante de infidelidad
Mi Latín amante estado no más mío
Pero de él esposa
Él no más amado mí en Domingo en un mar de laminados haciendo mí sudor a un salsa compás
De él besos no más hecho mí aljibe con pasión pero hecho mí aljibe con tristeza y culpa
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí dolor.
My Latin lover taught me Spanish…
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight
en el luz de la luna a medianoche
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí dolor.
My Latin lover taught me Spanish…
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight
My Latin lover taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight on Sundays while saying Hale Mary’s and giving thanks while increasing his heart rate I thought it was fate…
My Latin lover taught me Spanish in a sea of sheets
My Latin lover taught me Spanish in a sea of sheets while shock waves of passion exploded in my body
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight while caressing me making me feel like the princess I never was
Like I never could be
My Latin lover made me feel better then any man ever could
He made me feel better then any man would
His sensual Spanish spoken softly at midnight filled my ears and sent me to ecstasy
A place I found myself visiting constantly
Even when he wasn’t there physically
I still felt his body lying here next to me
He worked to a salsa beat unknown to others
He made love to merengue and soca
He loved me to salsa and I loved him to flamingo
My Latin lover taught me Spanish while in the act of infidelity
Ma Latin lover was no longer mine
But his wife’s
He no longer loved me on Sundays in a sea of sheets making me sweat to a salsa beat
His kisses no longer made me quiver with passion but made me quiver with sadness and guilt
My Latin lover taught me Spanish
My Latin lover taught me pain.
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español
Enseñaba mí Español en el luz de la luna a medianoche
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español en el luz de la luna a medianoche en Domingo mientras diciendo Sano María y dando gracias mientras creciente de él corazón tasa Yo pensamiento estuvo destino
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español en un mar de laminados
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español en un mar de laminados mientras choque olas de pasión explotar en mi cuerpo
Enseñaba mí Español en el luz de la luna a medianoche mientras acariciante mí haciendo mí tener ganas de el princesa Yo nunca estado
Como Yo nunca puedes estar
Mi Latín amante hecho mí palpar mejor después cualquier hombre siempre puedes
Él hacía mí palpar mejor después cualquier hombre haría
De él sensual Español hablado blandamente a medianoche llenado mi orejas y enviado esté éxtasis
Un local Yo fundar mi visitando constantemente
Pareja cuándo él wasn’t allí físicamente
Yo aún fieltro de él cuerpo mentiroso aquí al lado de mí
Él trabajado a un salsa compás desconocido a otros
Él hacía amor a merengue y soca
Él amado esté salsa y Yo amado le a flamenco
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español mientras en flagrante de infidelidad
Mi Latín amante estado no más mío
Pero de él esposa
Él no más amado mí en Domingo en un mar de laminados haciendo mí sudor a un salsa compás
De él besos no más hecho mí aljibe con pasión pero hecho mí aljibe con tristeza y culpa
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí dolor.
My Latin lover taught me Spanish…
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight
He taught me Spanish in the moonlight at midnight
en el luz de la luna a medianoche
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí Español
Mi Latín amante enseñado mí dolor.
Hate that I cant Hate You. [06]
I kiss you with resentment lingering on my lips
Yesterday I shredded your pictures in vain.
I know I’ll still love you
I pray you’ll fuck up and do something stupid so I can hate you in honesty
Like clock hands you pass the time and commit crimes blatantly obvious
But even still, your indescrepencies act like water on this Greek fire that festers in my soul.
I use your name and hate interchangeably as if they were synonyms
I try to think this hatred into forition but it’s just a waste of oxygen
I’m frenetic; searching for an antidote for this blissful venom
I forge anger whenever we speak inwardly seeking and end
I know heartbreak will follow you but I can’t seem to pull my heart away
Like a Holiday there’s no need; don’t explain
My head is against this but my heart
Just won’t seem to listen
Love songs on the radio induce nausea
What I loathe about you is the same thing that intrigues me
I cry at night wishing I didn’t care about you.
Other infatuations do nothing to sway my heart.
I focus on wanting him and not you desperately in quest of an escape from your clutches
Why is it that I can’t hate you?
I can’t bring myself to despise you and erase you
I can’t stand not being able to stand you
I hate that I can’t hate you
I hate that I love you.
Yesterday I shredded your pictures in vain.
I know I’ll still love you
I pray you’ll fuck up and do something stupid so I can hate you in honesty
Like clock hands you pass the time and commit crimes blatantly obvious
But even still, your indescrepencies act like water on this Greek fire that festers in my soul.
I use your name and hate interchangeably as if they were synonyms
I try to think this hatred into forition but it’s just a waste of oxygen
I’m frenetic; searching for an antidote for this blissful venom
I forge anger whenever we speak inwardly seeking and end
I know heartbreak will follow you but I can’t seem to pull my heart away
Like a Holiday there’s no need; don’t explain
My head is against this but my heart
Just won’t seem to listen
Love songs on the radio induce nausea
What I loathe about you is the same thing that intrigues me
I cry at night wishing I didn’t care about you.
Other infatuations do nothing to sway my heart.
I focus on wanting him and not you desperately in quest of an escape from your clutches
Why is it that I can’t hate you?
I can’t bring myself to despise you and erase you
I can’t stand not being able to stand you
I hate that I can’t hate you
I hate that I love you.
Head over heals in Love?
is it true? could it be? no. just betterflies fluttering in my abdonmen a
s my eyes connect with your face.
i feel my body temperature rise from the norm as you move closer to me.
shyness surfaces as you hold me.
am i wrong for wanting this?
inward tears fall as we pull away.
let me inhale your pheromones once more.
deep breaths...
inhale...
cough...
smile.
can i have another hit?
you serve as narcotics intoxicating me with each syllable.
is it okay that you invade each thought?
in my dreams you assist me, love me , have me.
in nightmares you're my Prince Charming my Knight in shining armor
rescuing me from death hell and loneliness.
i battle with myself each time the phone rings: when i want to dial.
to call or not to call...that is the question, the answer, the deilma.
pictures featuring scenes of total irrelevance to you and i
spark somber memoires of a flurtatious friendship that has grown like wild grass.
i no longer lean to the aids of Tylenol or asprin. you voice will suffice.
i dont want to wait in vain but
i have to wounder could this be love?
is it love?
is lust involved?
doubts of guinuneness fill my frontal lobe as i recall
aged converstations echanged between us concerning nothing of love.
i do my best to excuse those behaviours to
juevinille though patterns.
i sing along to the melodies of your favorite song.
snapping my fingertips to the beat of the newest download.
what a wonderful heartache i feel.
one kiss away from sprung?
lust?
maybe love?
a nervous excitement pulses out of my beins and
into the boombox i got you for
Valentine's day.
i call you but pet names but
denounce you as my boyfriend.
"just a toyfriend"
what do i have to loose?
nothing.
something...
everything.
s my eyes connect with your face.
i feel my body temperature rise from the norm as you move closer to me.
shyness surfaces as you hold me.
am i wrong for wanting this?
inward tears fall as we pull away.
let me inhale your pheromones once more.
deep breaths...
inhale...
cough...
smile.
can i have another hit?
you serve as narcotics intoxicating me with each syllable.
is it okay that you invade each thought?
in my dreams you assist me, love me , have me.
in nightmares you're my Prince Charming my Knight in shining armor
rescuing me from death hell and loneliness.
i battle with myself each time the phone rings: when i want to dial.
to call or not to call...that is the question, the answer, the deilma.
pictures featuring scenes of total irrelevance to you and i
spark somber memoires of a flurtatious friendship that has grown like wild grass.
i no longer lean to the aids of Tylenol or asprin. you voice will suffice.
i dont want to wait in vain but
i have to wounder could this be love?
is it love?
is lust involved?
doubts of guinuneness fill my frontal lobe as i recall
aged converstations echanged between us concerning nothing of love.
i do my best to excuse those behaviours to
juevinille though patterns.
i sing along to the melodies of your favorite song.
snapping my fingertips to the beat of the newest download.
what a wonderful heartache i feel.
one kiss away from sprung?
lust?
maybe love?
a nervous excitement pulses out of my beins and
into the boombox i got you for
Valentine's day.
i call you but pet names but
denounce you as my boyfriend.
"just a toyfriend"
what do i have to loose?
nothing.
something...
Friends and Benefits [06]
I know you’re not here but my body tenses up anyway
I think I know what love feels like
Warm luscious sensations force me to bite my lip and
Smile.
My thigh buzzes- cell on vibrate
Do I stop it?
A quick hesitation then a shaky hello
Heart failure as I soon recall the voice
Matching it with your face
It’s been three weeks
Two days
Seven hours
And fifty two minutes since I saw you last.
Time seems to stand still as we well
No need for melodramatic details of
Loving intimacy Ill say…
This weekends’ rendezvous put on hold
On account of meddling male parental units
Detecting contraceptives packages in
…Stowed away compartments.
I place a pen to my lips to satisfy this omnipresent oral fixation that has consumed me.
With each stroke of my tongue my mind races
This perversion seeps through my flesh yet it is unnoticeable to my colleagues.
Images of placid caresses invade my thoughts interrupting my test
I failed.
Surprisingly I can’t come to be concerned with failure
I’ve fallen in love.
I’m not sure if you’re aware that our constant repartee of sexual in devours has
blossomed into something more inside me.
An unstable voice repeats the forbidden sentence and it sends shivers up my spine.
I’m not supposed to love you
“No strings attached?”
“Promise.”
I think I’ve broken mine
I think I know what love feels like
Warm luscious sensations force me to bite my lip and
Smile.
My thigh buzzes- cell on vibrate
Do I stop it?
A quick hesitation then a shaky hello
Heart failure as I soon recall the voice
Matching it with your face
It’s been three weeks
Two days
Seven hours
And fifty two minutes since I saw you last.
Time seems to stand still as we well
No need for melodramatic details of
Loving intimacy Ill say…
This weekends’ rendezvous put on hold
On account of meddling male parental units
Detecting contraceptives packages in
…Stowed away compartments.
I place a pen to my lips to satisfy this omnipresent oral fixation that has consumed me.
With each stroke of my tongue my mind races
This perversion seeps through my flesh yet it is unnoticeable to my colleagues.
Images of placid caresses invade my thoughts interrupting my test
I failed.
Surprisingly I can’t come to be concerned with failure
I’ve fallen in love.
I’m not sure if you’re aware that our constant repartee of sexual in devours has
blossomed into something more inside me.
An unstable voice repeats the forbidden sentence and it sends shivers up my spine.
I’m not supposed to love you
“No strings attached?”
“Promise.”
I think I’ve broken mine
Swallowed by the Sea
Know my heart.
I open up for you but you constantly look away.
Hear my voice.
My song falls on deaf ears; I scream.
My anger grows with your apathy.
I bite my tongue too hard.
The taste of blood distracts me for a moment and I swirl the velvety red liquid in my mouth.
A wave of soothing hate rushes over me.
My headphones scream jumbled words of discontent and rage.
I become lost in my Red Sea.
Swimming deeper as memories of evil men cut through me.
I cry out in pain only to take in more of this anguish.
I have no choice but to digest.
I'm slowly suffocating.
Drowning in sorrow.
I reach out my hand praying He will save me,
But he pushes me deeper into
Myself.
Back into this Ocean of Death.
Where is my light?
A whispered plea before I'm consumed by it.
Help me
Please.
I've been swallowed by the Sea.
I open up for you but you constantly look away.
Hear my voice.
My song falls on deaf ears; I scream.
My anger grows with your apathy.
I bite my tongue too hard.
The taste of blood distracts me for a moment and I swirl the velvety red liquid in my mouth.
A wave of soothing hate rushes over me.
My headphones scream jumbled words of discontent and rage.
I become lost in my Red Sea.
Swimming deeper as memories of evil men cut through me.
I cry out in pain only to take in more of this anguish.
I have no choice but to digest.
I'm slowly suffocating.
Drowning in sorrow.
I reach out my hand praying He will save me,
But he pushes me deeper into
Myself.
Back into this Ocean of Death.
Where is my light?
A whispered plea before I'm consumed by it.
Help me
Please.
I've been swallowed by the Sea.
For Janine Yvette
I close my eyes and instantly I smell you.
The smell of hospital soap, vicadin, and peppermint swirled with the smoke from your Capri's.
Your lips look as if to speak of mischief as you notice the pale blue shimmers that stain my stomach.
Your sweet laugh resonates through your cluttered room as I confess my constant indulges in the rich orange Azzura lotion.
The light shines through your window cut only by the blinds.
Inside jokes bounce off walls as we meander down the unlit hallway.
We fill bowls with bright crayon-colored fruits from exotic imaginary lands far away from us.
Slow reggae beats pulse through our skin.
We sing and sway to the soothing Caribbean music that isn't there.
Trouble and pain seem so distant...and we are untouched by its plague.
a spur of the moment adventure envelopes us with a knowing smile and identical eyes sparkle in the noon sun.
Silly wagers made on the people encompassing us create an elaborate world all our own.
We sip frothy caffeine from cute insulated cardboard cups and notice the grays in your hair shine in the golden-red sun.
Our voices fill the bus with song, risingand falling in melodious harmonies.
Book talk, your sweet hums while stroking my sea salted hair lull me to a peaceful slumber.
"You are my sunshine my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
So PLEASE don't take my sunshine away."
ShrinkWrap(Darwin'sTherapy) [5/28/07]
late night converstations bring forth more feelings without answers.
incomprehensible styles clashing like atoms but still this ionic bond is produced.
you say it's more than just this but how can i be sure?
soon i'll jump out and fly away; i cant afford to have a string tied to my foot.
my body craves what my mind cant justify.
this is too close for comfort but i look to you for counsel.
this is therapy i cant handle. please doctor let me go.
i cant lay on your couch without wondering if things will go further
one word can be so hard to say...
i've tried to explian my disposition for years now.
you say you wont force it but you apply pressure to my heart.
i'm afraid to make the shift from potential to kenetic.
i let that ball go before and i know the results of my experimentations.
you prescribe one thing but a second opinon discounts that.
the data piles up and deems you "not credible"
but my instincts speak another story.
this Darwinism suggests i follow my head.
only the fittest survive.
incomprehensible styles clashing like atoms but still this ionic bond is produced.
you say it's more than just this but how can i be sure?
soon i'll jump out and fly away; i cant afford to have a string tied to my foot.
my body craves what my mind cant justify.
this is too close for comfort but i look to you for counsel.
this is therapy i cant handle. please doctor let me go.
i cant lay on your couch without wondering if things will go further
one word can be so hard to say...
i've tried to explian my disposition for years now.
you say you wont force it but you apply pressure to my heart.
i'm afraid to make the shift from potential to kenetic.
i let that ball go before and i know the results of my experimentations.
you prescribe one thing but a second opinon discounts that.
the data piles up and deems you "not credible"
but my instincts speak another story.
this Darwinism suggests i follow my head.
only the fittest survive.
Question&Answer [5/20/07]
what does it feel like to be the odd one out?
to be the only one who's cold in a warm room.
why hide tears with talent and
let others mistake your pain for art?
why put on masks and dim your light?
why wont you shine?
tear down the wall of china
you've built around your heart.
please.
for me.
i'm tired of shivering in july but
i cant trust you to not
abuse my vulnerablity.
art makes the pain less personal.
the costume i wear is my armor
fitted to my heart so it wont be broken.
the shade protects me from myself;
i'm afraid to shine.
if i let Berlin fall, i might as well
marry Troy.
so no.
I cant..
to be the only one who's cold in a warm room.
why hide tears with talent and
let others mistake your pain for art?
why put on masks and dim your light?
why wont you shine?
tear down the wall of china
you've built around your heart.
please.
for me.
i'm tired of shivering in july but
i cant trust you to not
abuse my vulnerablity.
art makes the pain less personal.
the costume i wear is my armor
fitted to my heart so it wont be broken.
the shade protects me from myself;
i'm afraid to shine.
if i let Berlin fall, i might as well
marry Troy.
so no.
I cant..
Halfway [3/14/08]
i just wanna feel your
touch.
simple caresses that lull
me into R.E.M.
KEM in the background.
oh the chemistry. boy you're
sweeter than sugar coated apple rings
you make my heart audtion for the
school chior.
with each word i get higher.
so unattainable but i know
you're right around the corner.
am i delusional for wanting to
be under you- hot.
you change my life from thousands
of miles away.
it's not rational for me to want this
i'm always fussing about distance
but yet, i'm stuck in between what my mind
tells me and what my heart wants.
how i allow myself to slip throught
the cracks, i'm still unsure.
all i know is UPS delivers the shivers
you send me.
so here i am... slowly counting
days and dollars.
21 days.
$234.78 plus tax.
i got half.
touch.
simple caresses that lull
me into R.E.M.
KEM in the background.
oh the chemistry. boy you're
sweeter than sugar coated apple rings
you make my heart audtion for the
school chior.
with each word i get higher.
so unattainable but i know
you're right around the corner.
am i delusional for wanting to
be under you- hot.
you change my life from thousands
of miles away.
it's not rational for me to want this
i'm always fussing about distance
but yet, i'm stuck in between what my mind
tells me and what my heart wants.
how i allow myself to slip throught
the cracks, i'm still unsure.
all i know is UPS delivers the shivers
you send me.
so here i am... slowly counting
days and dollars.
21 days.
$234.78 plus tax.
i got half.
Tell Me [2/2/08]
i cant feel the stroke of
your fingers anymore.
they're covered in her prints.
i cant hear the soft lullabies you croon.
all i can hear are her moans.
you thrusted away drop after drop
of our love to her.
i cant dress without being overcome
with emotion.
why make promises you cant keep.
just tell me your heart doesnt beat faster when
i come around the corner.
say you dont care.
tell me you dont silently wish the heat you
felt on your skin radiated from mine.
tell me you're hers.
please pull the trigger on this loaded gun.
Tell me...
you dont love me.
your fingers anymore.
they're covered in her prints.
i cant hear the soft lullabies you croon.
all i can hear are her moans.
you thrusted away drop after drop
of our love to her.
i cant dress without being overcome
with emotion.
why make promises you cant keep.
just tell me your heart doesnt beat faster when
i come around the corner.
say you dont care.
tell me you dont silently wish the heat you
felt on your skin radiated from mine.
tell me you're hers.
please pull the trigger on this loaded gun.
Tell me...
you dont love me.
Dangit.
I pissed of my boyfriend today.
We got into the stupidest argument
EVER.
[sigh]
now we're both just
like silent.
[sigh]
hopefully things will be better
tomorrow.
gnites.
We got into the stupidest argument
EVER.
[sigh]
now we're both just
like silent.
[sigh]
hopefully things will be better
tomorrow.
gnites.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
It's Not An Explination
How do I explain how I feel when I’m not sure?
I know I want you but there's something about him, but he's no Mary.
Unless we're referring to Magdalene before she be reformed.
I felt like you quit me cold turkey; I'm still not sure I was addictive.
I heard you less the more we spoke.
If silence is golden baby we're rich.
Hold on, is it still okay for me to show affection towards you or should I refrain.
Step back and retain all thought.
Push back t he fabulous bewilderment and divulge in past endeavors?
Scrambled soft like powered eggs served on pink and gold china.
Drowning in a pool of Sweat comma Keith.
Yah that was twisted.
I don’t mean to be so helplessly hopeless but I warned you when I asked why
You were so...
I inch towards and edge I know the result and
Yet closer and closer I get all the while hoping for a new result.
Einstein would deem me insane.
It almost seems like I was a match lit and left to burn out.
But here you come with fluid.
Oh baby you're fire burning white.
My life is a sad movie's montage but you're the flashback to happiness.
The necessary plot twist to a normal ending.
I've never had this feeling be so uncomfortable; it's so new.
So how do I react?
I want to analyze and pick apart the reason you call me for sadistic purposes.
I can’t believe you want me for me.
I'm praying to find a flaw in you so I can continue to be emotionally challenged but
I still can’t find one.
You're forcing me to be open and it hurts.
To want you so much without ever knowing you.
I sleep in phantom arms knowing they belong to you, even though I've never
had the pleasure.
This feeling is much more complicated than my previous but maybe it's
because something here is real.
I inch towards tears but I'm miles away from sadness.
I remember my body screaming for yours when I couldn't hold on.
I've never known something so wonderful could hurt so much.
I can’t explain why I'm crying; why I'm writing.
I haven’t heard my name in weeks.
It's been replaced with a two syllable synonym for infant.
Baby.
When I hear it I get sick.
But if you took that sickness away I'd die.
I don’t want to live without that sickness.
That gut wrenching drop that follows your words.
I'd fight to have that.
We don’t need names.
So make it hurt.
Bring down tears that move mountains.
Make me sick.
It's starting.
I know I want you but there's something about him, but he's no Mary.
Unless we're referring to Magdalene before she be reformed.
I felt like you quit me cold turkey; I'm still not sure I was addictive.
I heard you less the more we spoke.
If silence is golden baby we're rich.
Hold on, is it still okay for me to show affection towards you or should I refrain.
Step back and retain all thought.
Push back t he fabulous bewilderment and divulge in past endeavors?
Scrambled soft like powered eggs served on pink and gold china.
Drowning in a pool of Sweat comma Keith.
Yah that was twisted.
I don’t mean to be so helplessly hopeless but I warned you when I asked why
You were so...
I inch towards and edge I know the result and
Yet closer and closer I get all the while hoping for a new result.
Einstein would deem me insane.
It almost seems like I was a match lit and left to burn out.
But here you come with fluid.
Oh baby you're fire burning white.
My life is a sad movie's montage but you're the flashback to happiness.
The necessary plot twist to a normal ending.
I've never had this feeling be so uncomfortable; it's so new.
So how do I react?
I want to analyze and pick apart the reason you call me for sadistic purposes.
I can’t believe you want me for me.
I'm praying to find a flaw in you so I can continue to be emotionally challenged but
I still can’t find one.
You're forcing me to be open and it hurts.
To want you so much without ever knowing you.
I sleep in phantom arms knowing they belong to you, even though I've never
had the pleasure.
This feeling is much more complicated than my previous but maybe it's
because something here is real.
I inch towards tears but I'm miles away from sadness.
I remember my body screaming for yours when I couldn't hold on.
I've never known something so wonderful could hurt so much.
I can’t explain why I'm crying; why I'm writing.
I haven’t heard my name in weeks.
It's been replaced with a two syllable synonym for infant.
Baby.
When I hear it I get sick.
But if you took that sickness away I'd die.
I don’t want to live without that sickness.
That gut wrenching drop that follows your words.
I'd fight to have that.
We don’t need names.
So make it hurt.
Bring down tears that move mountains.
Make me sick.
It's starting.
Jude of Iscariot
it's not easy to watch you walk away.
i dont want to feel the agony goodbye brings.
I just want you nearer.
I knew this day would come...
I'm numb as his hands run over me.
Why can't they be yours?
I'm sick of this vicariousness creeping through my life.
My body can't understand my heart's not mine.
Like a battle between the gods they feud.
I apologize for the comfort i falsified.
I need you, but he keeps me sane.
Too long i've let this go on.
Too long your face has replaced the ones I've been with.
How can I love you and betray you?
I am no better than he I attacked.
How can I ask for mercy?
I deserve none.
My heart is in your hands.
I've said I love you and thought I meant it,
but how can I truly love you if it's not with my whole being?
Is not my physicality part of that?
I cannot go on like this.
As tears sprint down my face, I feverishly apologize.
In hopes of gaining your forgiveness, I humiliate myself.
God only knows how much I regret this.
Stone me if you wish but please,
Dont take away your love.
i dont want to feel the agony goodbye brings.
I just want you nearer.
I knew this day would come...
I'm numb as his hands run over me.
Why can't they be yours?
I'm sick of this vicariousness creeping through my life.
My body can't understand my heart's not mine.
Like a battle between the gods they feud.
I apologize for the comfort i falsified.
I need you, but he keeps me sane.
Too long i've let this go on.
Too long your face has replaced the ones I've been with.
How can I love you and betray you?
I am no better than he I attacked.
How can I ask for mercy?
I deserve none.
My heart is in your hands.
I've said I love you and thought I meant it,
but how can I truly love you if it's not with my whole being?
Is not my physicality part of that?
I cannot go on like this.
As tears sprint down my face, I feverishly apologize.
In hopes of gaining your forgiveness, I humiliate myself.
God only knows how much I regret this.
Stone me if you wish but please,
Dont take away your love.
Contest Poem
i dont believe in evolution and yet
i find my self looking into the eyes of this
creature and seeing...a former self.
I shake my head in disbelief.
If God exists and I formed from his image
how can i feel as if i'm looking into
my past.
We play mirror as her fingertips
explore my tiny hand like a mother would
her firstborn.
If I was not she then why does this
feel so comfortable? Why let me in
as though i am the prodical daughter?
Was moses lying when he penned the
origins of man or was there data
omitted?
in the writtings it says to have dominion
over the creatures of the earth
but how can you control your
heritage?
this expeditions goal was not one
of self service but i've stumbled upon it.
I came to discover more about her
only to find myself.
i find my self looking into the eyes of this
creature and seeing...a former self.
I shake my head in disbelief.
If God exists and I formed from his image
how can i feel as if i'm looking into
my past.
We play mirror as her fingertips
explore my tiny hand like a mother would
her firstborn.
If I was not she then why does this
feel so comfortable? Why let me in
as though i am the prodical daughter?
Was moses lying when he penned the
origins of man or was there data
omitted?
in the writtings it says to have dominion
over the creatures of the earth
but how can you control your
heritage?
this expeditions goal was not one
of self service but i've stumbled upon it.
I came to discover more about her
only to find myself.
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