Jude of Iscariot

it's not easy to watch you walk away.
i dont want to feel the agony goodbye brings.
I just want you nearer.
I knew this day would come...

I'm numb as his hands run over me.
Why can't they be yours?
I'm sick of this vicariousness creeping through my life.
My body can't understand my heart's not mine.
Like a battle between the gods they feud.

I apologize for the comfort i falsified.
I need you, but he keeps me sane.
Too long i've let this go on.
Too long your face has replaced the ones I've been with.
How can I love you and betray you?

I am no better than he I attacked.

How can I ask for mercy?
I deserve none.
My heart is in your hands.
I've said I love you and thought I meant it,
but how can I truly love you if it's not with my whole being?
Is not my physicality part of that?
I cannot go on like this.

As tears sprint down my face, I feverishly apologize.
In hopes of gaining your forgiveness, I humiliate myself.
God only knows how much I regret this.
Stone me if you wish but please,
Dont take away your love.